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| MB State of The Union 2004 |
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 Inspired by our President's apparent belief that, if you say something often enough it will become right and true, Editor Mitch Phillips plagiarizes George W. Bush's State of The Union Address to communicate with the membership of Michiganbands.com for 2004. Highlights include asking for more money without telling you specifically how it's going to be spent, promising more goods and services for Michigan bands without actually spending any of that money and asking for your participation without paying you for it. Like the current administration, we exist entirely by your continued faith in us (heavy sarcasm intended). Click "Read More" below.
February 10th, 2004
THE EDITOR: Mr. Webmaster, Moderators, members of Michiganbands.com, distinguished guests, and fellow netizens: Michiganbands.com is a website called to a great responsibility. And every day we struggle to meet that responsibility. As we gather tonight, thousands of band-heads are deployed across Michigan, bringing hope to the musically oppressed, and delivering justice to the commercially corrupted. By turning "Commies" (i.e. people who buy only commercialized music) into free-thinking, independent consumers who actively seek out their favorite local music, we hope to create positive growth in the artistic and entertainment economy and make Michigan a much better place to live in 2004. (Applause.)
Today, you, our members, can take pride that through your participation you've created a web site that the skeptics thought impossible; where sane if not always sober musicians and music fans support one another in the virtual forum of ideas. You're raising the standards for local online communities and giving the multitudes of aging band-heads a opportunity to loiter like teenagers waiting for a buyer outside a convenience store. You've created a place where band-heads can feel comfortable, accepted and valid - just like real people with real lives. You've given them new meaning and a place where they can share their musical knowledge, advice and/or various stories about backstage trysts, tales of public drunkenness and the occasional tidbit of world-weary wisdom. And even better than the cheap imported goods you've grown accustomed to buying at your corner Big Box - at Michiganbands.com it's all free! (Applause.)
We have faced serious challenges together, and now we face a choice: We can go forward with confidence and resolve, or we can turn back to the dangerous illusion that commercial music clones and corporate radio formulas created by the Industrial Entertainment Complex are no threat to our way of life. We can press on with personal and artistic growth, reforms in lyrical content and stylistic mutations, or we can turn back to old policies of stale mimicry and sycophantic pandering to whatever becomes the prevailing fashion in pop culture. We've not come all this way -through tragedy, trials and tests only to falter now and leave our work unfinished. Michiganbands.com is rising to the task of history, albeit very, very, very slowly. With your efforts, enterprise, character and belief, we'll show that the state of our musical union is confident and strong! (Applause.)
Our greatest responsibility is the active defense of local music. It is tempting to believe that the danger is behind us. But cultural dictators like the FCC and the RIAA who want to limit your exposure to local music continue to plot against you by hassling web-radio stations and refusing to provide decent, truly local media that is both tolerable and affordable to the Majority Underclass. Clubs are increasingly deciding to provide musical entertainment with DJ's and Karaoke. By our will and courage together, this danger will be defeated! (Applause.)
At MB, local music is on the offensive against the apathetic listener. Last year, dozens of unsuspecting citizens found themselves victimized by our Random Acts of Music. More found a hidden cache of free local discs hidden in the woods and other locations. Local music web sites have popped up like weeds all over the state and local libraries are beginning to participate by providing local music to their patrons. With your blessing, we'll continue to go after more Michiganders and one by one we'll bring them to musical justice. (Applause.)
But MB must have the essential resources it needs to continue to defend and promote local independent music. One of those resources is your participation. The state of the local music scene will only become a better place when YOU decide to act. Another essential resource is, of course, money. Funding will allow the site to continue spreading the love of local music and disrupt the status quo by pestering apathetic listeners. We ask that you buy a Michiganbands.com t-shirt, especially if you've become a regular on this site. We also ask that you encourage your favorite music stores, clubs, cafe´s and other commercial enterprises to advertise with MB. Finally, we ask that you contribute by coming to The Bullfrog in Redford on March 12th, 13th and 14th to enjoy a host of local bands who have donated their time and talents to support Michiganbands.com. With proper funding, there's no limit to the damage we can do. (Applause.)
May God continue to bless Michigan, America and her innumerable band-heads.
Goodnight (Standing Ovation)
- Mitch
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Re: MB State of The Union 2004 (Score: 1)
by HoldenCaulfield on Tuesday, February 10, 2004 @ 14:35:34 MST
(User Info | Send a Message) | | Is that harrison ford wearing the michigan bands shirt? |
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Average Score: 4.5
Votes: 2
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